Rollin With the Rhythm

A strange concept, having class from 1 am to about 9 am… I was wondering why I feel so strange after only two days of my new sleep schedule, sleeping from about 9am till 3 or 4pm.  Im getting the same amount of sleep, if not more than was on a regular sleep pattern, but i feel so much more tired.  Its because to my brain it feels like the day has just continues on, and hasent ended yet, because I go to sleep when the sun is up and wake up when its still up, so its just a long nap.  The days dont blend together, its just one long day.  

Its gonna be one doozy of a week

Its funny how an entire year leads to one single defining moment.  All year we work, and learn, and study our asses off, for one 2.5 hour session.  As the practical looms, many are beginning to get nervous, freak out, even break down and cry.  But I honestly find myself looking forward to it, getting excited in the face of this intense challenge.

So good luck to myself and everyone else invovled this thursday/friday.

In the words of Nike,

Just Do It

So im sitting here, on a rather ordinary Wednesday night, listening to Pandora and a rain generator online.  Its another evening, and its still quiet in the dorm room, because my roommate is yet to arrive after his kitchen class, so I have some time to think before things get crazy.

This past weekend, my Mom came to visit me at school for the first time, as my Dad had been the one to visit the school with me, and then later on help me move in back in October.  I was quite excited at the prospect of not only seeing her, but going out to dinner, replenishing the stocks of snacks, and just hanging out with one of my favorite people in the world.

Most of her visit was like how I imagined it. But, Sunday afternoon, while watching a movie  at her hotel, and doing prep work for my next Kitchen Class which would start on Tuesday, I couldn’t get rid of this feeling in the pit of my stomach, one that I knew, but hadn’t felt in months, since near the end of Senior Year in High School.  I knew what the feeling brought, and I tried so hard to hold it back. But eventually I couldn’t.

In the midst of such an awesome weekend, in the middle of my Moms trip out to see me, I had a full-blown panic attack and meltdown. Im not one to let my emotions get the best of me, I believe that to have control of our lives, to be a truly functioning member of society, to be more than just animals, we must have control of our emotions.  But at that point in time, I lost it.  And all I could think, is why now? Why was I ruining such a short trip that should have been perfect?

But did my Mother care? Not at all. In fact, she sat and helped me through it.  Most of the time, I deal with these problems on my own, I dont want people to know or help.  But this time, I needed it. 

So why do we feel the way we do? Why do we sometimes have the complete opposite feeling than we think we should? 

Because sometimes, we dont realize when we need to let someone be there for us.  But I’ll tell you what. I know that God has my back.  Im not some crazy religious nut-job, no sir.  And im not going to tell you what to believe.  All im saying, is that having faith, it can show up when you least expect it.  

It was a rocky weekend, and a rough start to a new class.  But today, when I thought everything had gone to shit, we were down to 2 people instead of 4 on our kitchen station, I remembered what a friend told me.  ”Remember when you’re about to freak out, that your feet are on the ground, and that you’re grounded.  No one ever stops to think that their feet are on the ground.”  And we pushed through, and killed the day strong.

All I can say is, whats supposed to happen will.  You just cant build the idea of what its supposed to be.  You just have to let it happen, or you might miss it…